


You Sure That's Not The Only Reason Why?

by HMSquared



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Rewrite, Christmas, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Denial, Developing Friendships, Dialogue Heavy, Episode Tag, Episode: s31e10 Bobby It's Cold Outside, Snark, Take That!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMSquared/pseuds/HMSquared
Summary: Bart realizes why Bob really doesn’t want to kill him. 31.10
Kudos: 7





	You Sure That's Not The Only Reason Why?

**Author's Note:**

> I...have very mixed thoughts on Bobby, It's Cold Outside.
> 
> Overall, I actually liked the episode. It didn't feel like a generic Christmas episode, and I thought the message was good. But the first five minutes...
> 
> As I've said before, Gone Boy is my favorite episode of The Simpsons. And this episode is supposed to be a sequel (something I didn't actually didn't know until afterword). So I was very disappointed and irked when they threw Bob's character development out the window.
> 
> I get it. Sideshow Bob has a routine: shows up, tries to kill Bart, is actually more likable than you'd expect, goes to jail anyway. He's basically an anti-villain at this point.
> 
> I think if they made him a general villain with a soft spot for Bart, it could work. Or make him an anti-hero, even. But this flipping back and forth to keep the status quo is getting really annoying. Even for someone like me, who loves Sideshow Bob and other likable villains to bits.
> 
> We've already seen from Treehouse of Horror that Bob gets more kicks out of the chase than the kill. The Simpsons writers just need to decide: is he ultimately good with evil mannerisms, or evil with a soft spot for Bart?

“Believe me, I know who you are.” The mall Santa slowly pulled off his beard, wig, and glasses, revealing a familiar red palm tree underneath. “Hello-ho-ho, Bart.”

“Sideshow Bob!” Bart tried to leap off his knee, but Bob grabbed his collar.

“Happy holidays.” He laughed wickedly, holding Bart in place. The oldest Simpson child kicked and squirmed, to no avail.

Bob dragged him off the stage, ranting about...something. Bart managed to get free and tried to run. The criminal mastermind grabbed his hood.

“You’re not getting away from me this time, Bart.” Laughing again, Bob grabbed a string of Christmas lights and wrapped them around his neck. Bart felt his airway tighten and silently cursed himself. After years of successes, this was how he went out. Christmas lights to the throat.

Except the squeezing stopped. Shaking his head, Bob let go.

“I can’t kill you!” He stomped away, shaking his head again. “Do you want to know why, Bart?”  _ Oh God, not this conversation again. _

“Not particularly.”

“I...am a method actor!” Bob posed with a dramatic flick of the wrist. “And Santa Claus, he doesn’t kill children. So while I am here, I cannot kill you.” Bart rose an eyebrow and scoffed. “What?”

“You sure that’s not the only reason why?” Bob’s face twitched just the tiniest amount. Bart smirked. “Are you forgetting about what happened last Christmas?”

“Sorry?” Bart blinked; he looked somewhere between confused and hurt.

“The rocket, man. You tried to kill me and Milhouse.” Bob’s neck flushed pink, causing his eyes to widen. “You do remember.”

“What does it matter?” Bart was silent for a moment. Then he said, in Bob’s voice,

“Because I realized I don’t want to kill you anymore.” What happened next was very surprising.

Bob’s face turned red, redder than the Santa costume he was wearing. Then he blanched into ashen white. He sank to his knees, nearly hitting Bart on the way down.

“You okay?” Bart’s eyebrows were furrowed. Bob looked up at him and shook his head.

“Oh Bart, what am I doing?”

“You asked me that last time too. And do you remember what I said?” He got a wordless head shake in response. “I said you’re a creature of habit.” Bob nodded. He collapsed into Bart’s arms, crying into his shirt.

“God…” He let out a squeak. “Why do I keep doing this?”

“The writers can’t make up their damn minds?” This snarky comment actually caused Bob to laugh. It wasn’t his maniacal laugh but a genuine, happy laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> Despite references to it, I'm not considering this a sequel to That Can't Be.


End file.
